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my sewing and costuming pages
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my personal site
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free fonts made by yours truly
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whatever I'm currently up to
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the things that got me picked on growing up
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whatever I'm currently whining about
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6.30.00, 2:28pm (Paacific time)
We're sitting at O'hare in Chicago, on a too-full 727, waiting for the pilot's radio to be fixed. We've been here for.. a long time. maybe an hour or so at this point.
The flight to Chicago was uneventful, if horrid. The children in front of us were worse than I used to be, making lots of noise, moving around constantly.. it was bad.
6.30.00, 8:32am
I'm on the plane.The moron in the seat in fron tof me has his/her/its seaat back, so I can'e actually have this thing open AND the keyboard at an appropriate angle for typing. This blows.
AND I've got abother three hours of this. At least I can turn up the volume on my music and ignore the existance of screaming children.
6.29.00, 7:19pm
Finally got the pictures developed. Some of them came out very well. They're here and here. There are others, but I may or may not put those up. Kinda-sorta gotta ask the people in them first.
6.29.00, 4:51pm
There is just something about San Francisco that saps light. Not all of it, obviously, but it's usually foggy, or cloudy there. But as soon as you get away from the place.. maybe as far as Millbrae, it's all sunny again. I'm baffled.
6.29.00, 4:34pm
Added a new poem (the first I've written in about 2 years, no less!) to Abhorred. No, it's NOT a happy poem.
6.29.00, 4:11pm
I just had this sudden urge to deface one of those walk/don't walk signs with the little guy and the hand. I need to make the hand on one of those flipping people off. I just totally need to. I'll have to get a good photo of one and doctor it, because I'm NOT about to get arrested for something as stupid as a hacked crossing light.
Hmm.. what if I did some sort of dark paper insert? That could be yanked right out, and I'd get it out of my system.
6.29.00, 10:01am
Found another really great site: Area 404.
6.29.00, 8:54am
The Lingerie Collections. Historical Corsets. Impressive.
Kent State University Museum has lots of good historical costume stuff.
6.29.00, 6:27am
I wonder if I'll manage to get this all uploaded before tomorrow? I'd have done it last night, but when I got home, the Slug was downloading something that took 90 minutes with DSL. (We just got a new PC, and he felt that he *needed* the latest patches for Half-Life. Silliness.) Only reason that stopped me is becuase he'd plugged the modem into the machine, instead of working out some way for everything to be online at once. *sigh* (Though we are getting a UNIX box soon, which will act as a firewall, and then we can network the snot out of all our machines.)
I'm looking forward to the trip, but not to tomorrow. Of course, I'm not looking forward to today, either.
6.29.00, 6:13am
Would you belive I just found the film that was missing? I've been carrying it around with me in the laptop bag all this time.
I was digging for a piece of gum, which I couldn't find, and lo, a plastic cylinder of film pops into my hand.
This means, of course, in the midst of packing, I have to stop at Walgreen's to pick up my film. (*IF* the one-hour photo machine isn't broken still.) It figures.
6.28.00, 4:27pm
Nothing to bitch about today. No mind expanding links. Today was somewhat wasted.
Fun fun fun.
I wonder what clubs are happening tomorrow.. I wanna go dancing or something.
Friday morning, early, I have to be on a plane, so maybe dancing isn't the best option, but it would be fun. I really have to start packing tonight.
6.27.00, 4:06pm
I never realized what a fangeek I was until today.. actually, until about 10 minutes ago. I was walking down the stairs on the way out of work, looking down (to make sure I don't fall.. those stairs are all concrete, and steep. It would hurt much.) and realized I was wearing a Poison Elves t-shirt with my Spider Jerusalem glasses, and if I'd had more time this morning, I'd probably be wearing my inverted ankh (another PE thing).
If I could find it, my Toreador pin would be on my coat, too.
Luckily, I think this is funny. If I didn't, I'd have to quit reading comics and all. That would suck. I like comics.
6.27.00, 3:42pm
Random Goth Lyric Generator. Laugh. A lot.
6.27.00, 3:32pm
Angst Central has lots of stuff from alt.angst. How can you go wrong?
6.27.00, 3:17pm
I'm picking scabs again. I keep doing web searches for people and things that really hurt me in the past. Haven't found much of anything, so it's sort of like scratching at things you aren't supposed to touch because it'll make them worse.
Gotta wonder if I'm grinding glass into the wounds, or if it's just because they're rubbing against my daily life.
(Yes, I'm being cryptic. If you really really want an explanation of this, tough. Once everything is healed, maybe. Until then, I'm going to hold my pain, and be content doing it.) (Ok, not *content* really, but you know what I mean.)
The paranoid bit is kicking in again. Not nearly as badly this time. Maybe in a few months, it'll stop altogether. Or else I won't notice it. Or I'll just be so resigned to it, that I won't really care anymore. I'm wondering if it's hormonal; it seems to resurface with relative regularity.
6.27.00, 9:28am
So, my fonts are posted on a really neat new site, Font Paradise. Go download lots of pretty things, and have fun.
6.27.00, 6:41AM
I'm so utterly annoyed. Last night, on the way home, I went to drop off my film from the naval battle, and discovered, to my chagrin, that the roll I'd been carrying around all day was unexposed. After I got home, I dug though all of my stuff, looking for the roll we used, and couldn't find it.
This sucks.
On a better note, however, it is official. I can get up and out the door in 10 minutes. (I kinda-sorta overslept by an hour this morning. If I hadn't made myself get up, I would have easily slept another two. I don't know why I'm so tired.)
6.26.00, 4:03pm
Today was icky. I hate computers. Let me repeat that: I HATE COMPUTERS. (Ok, not my sweet little Dream, but those hideous sluggish beige boxes of doom.)
We have this app that everyone in the office needs, and it's still in the process of being built. Of course, it did bad things today. (Aided by me, but my excuse is that I've only been using it for a few weeks.)
All day long, I've been trying to get the damn thing to behave. May I merely say that I was totally miserable?
6.26.00, 10:19am
Fucking great quotes. Go now.
Oh, just go poke around the page. Good stuff everywhere.
6.26.00, 8:37am
This site has got the cutest photo of a cat. Very Transmet.
6.26.00, 5:35am
The battle was incredible.
We skipped the second part (too soaked to wanna play again, and our legs hurt anyhow), but oh man.. I wish stuff like that happened every weekend.
And the lake water was as nasty as advertised. It was GREEN. And smelly. And the guy with the cannon was evil! Evil, I tell you!
My camera got wet, but appears to have survived the incident. We'll know tonight, because I'm taking a roll of film to be developed. If any of it is any good, I'll post 'em. Along with the 'Darkness invades Toys-R-Us' pics.
And incriminating shots of the ratboy in a skirt and fishnets. It was very cute. (He was our boarding party, but then he got kidnapped by a boat of girls, and it took a long time to get him back.)
My boots were making squelching noises afterwards. They're on the balcony drying. I hope they don't get all mildewed and stuff. Ick.
6.24.00, 4:45pm
Waiting for people. We're going to dinner, then some of us are splintering off and doing Rocky. It'll be great. It's been a while since I've gone.
Finally got my favorite skirt back, which makes me very very happy. I've missed my skirt. Now I can start dressing like myself again.
6.23.00, 4:13pm
Wow. I just managed to crash this thing. I don't think I've managed that three times since I got it! I don't even know what I did. I was about to pop an update into this spot, and my MP3 ended, and was about to start a new one, and it just froze up on me.
Ok, so it'd been running for like 5 days, SoundJam up the whole time, other programs coming and going. I can see where it would want a rest. *grin*
Considering the abuse this machine is getting (I'm not banging it around or anything, but it DOES go just about everywhere I do. The only exceptions are the hot tub and out to dinner. The hot tub, because the speaker just isn't loud enough to be heard from a safe distance, and dinner because it's just rude to ignore people in favor of a machine), it's doing extremely well. I'd have had serious problems with a Windows box by this point.
I rediscovered SimCity yesterday. I'm going to go torture my population for a while.
6.23.00, 11:47am
I need to find the femmiest thing I own that can get wet to wear to the naval battle. My gun is way butch looking, and I need to play contrast-wars with myself. *grin*
Hmm.. a sheer overskirt to flutter prettily in the wind, a cute girly t-shirt? (Or else, just an Iconoclast shirt. Suffer will do nicely, I think.) My sandals, or else, my velvet stinky shoes with my ankle jingles. Hmm.. what for an underskirt.. short? So I can have fun with the fluttering, or long, so I can feel more covered?
Or should I wear my skelly dress? Or my hooky sundress? Both are pretty, and can get wet, which is a major plus. I have to remember to buy sunblock.
There had better be photos from this thing!
6.23.00, 11:14am
I'm just not made to handle stress well. I mean, I get stressed, and whoops! There goes my good day.
6.23.00, 6:34am
I totally want one of those massage chairs with the hole for your head so you can drool as you're getting massaged. (Ok, maybe it's not for drooling, but to keep your neck straight, since you don't need to face the side so you can breathe. But I bet it's convenient for droolers.)
It would be so great to flop into something like that, and just droop, not needing to support my head as I read. Complete comfort, at last.
6.23.00, 6:25am
Oops! Missed the train I wanted. It was pulling out as I walked up. Not like it's a big deal or anything, of course, but it's annoying.
Just did up a new rant, this time about marketing and movies. Just silly stuff I notice and all.
6.22.00, 4:46pm
Nothing is happening. I'm on the train, wishing I was out dancing.
I have to stop and buy bread. And soup mix. I want soup.
6.22.00, 10:25am
Installing Visio at work.. the CD did something really stupid. It installed all sorts of stuff, made me restart. I figure, this means the program is installed, right? As if. After putting all of this other junk on the HD and rebooting, I can only then install the program.
How dumb is that?
6.22.00, 6:39am
So I did a dumb thing yesterday.. I left my keys at work. Usually, I shove them back into my pocket as soon as I get in, and never have to think about it. I guess I got distracted early.
I feel like an idiot. Luckily, the Slug was home last night when I arrived, so I could stand outside the computer room window and ask him to let me in. If he hadn't been home, I would have just waited until he came in.
Doubtless you've noticed by *now* that this page is all about me.. I, I, I, me, me, me.. I never really thought of myself as an egomaniac, or even particularly selfish (I know I can be, but usually I relent, becauuse I prefer that people be happy), until reading over this stuff.
Of course, everything I ever write will be filtered though my eyes, my perceptions, so it's not particularly surprising. I'm not ashamed.
6.21.00, 4:46pm
Added a new rant. Yes, I'm feeling much better. Don't know why.
6.21.00, 4:09pm
Spent lunch poking around Project Gutenberg. I now have an insane list of stuff I want to download (waiting until I get home so I can actually manage to get everything onto the computer), and plans to find a list of "horrid novels" so I can see how many of them are available. I have this absurd urge to read antique tripe.
Besides, this way, I can make the computer read Jane Austen to me. Can't go wrong there. *grin*
Hey, maybe it'll be enough to keep my mind busy as I (*gasp*) excercise. I might actually be able to keep it up. (Somehow, though, I doubt it. I'd rather just go dancing. Just as good for me, waaaaay more fun.)
6.21.00, 12:00pm
I can't decide if being thin is worth the hell that trying to get there is putting me through. I mean, it would be lovely to wake up one morning, weighing 120 lbs, but it ain't gonna happen.
The constant obsessing, dieting, guilt and everything associated with trying to lose weight is wearing on me. I'll I've really lost thus far is my self-respect and my patience.
If I wasn't so tired when I got home, perhaps I'd excercise. If I had more people to cook for, perhaps I'd make healthy meals (since I hate cooking for one, and the Slug is doing his own diet thingie).
Why does the world seem to expect that I be brilliant, highly productive in all things, highly paid, thin, conforming to current ideas in fashion and beauty, and *pleased about it*?!
This sucks.
6.21.00, 6:31am
Why does everyone have to comment "oh, a Mac" or "Why'd you get the orange one" whenever they see my iBook? Do I ask them "oh, why'd you get a grey box?"
I like Mac, I dislike PCs, and I like this shade of orange very much. (Not that I'd ever wear it or anything.. but it's still a cool shade.)
6.20.00, 4:01pm
Yeah, I've been a schlub, no updates today. That's because I slept on the train this morning, and was busy all day.
Anyhow, I got home around 12:45 last night, and promptly passed out. I have every intention of taking a lovely nap once I get home tonight, too. (Though I'll probably set some chicken up to thaw first.)
Decided what I'll wear to the wedding. My 1940's-style interview dress. I just have to work out a hairstyle to match. I'm thinking twinned rolls in front, flipped ponytail (you know, make a ponytail, then make a small opening above the rubberband, and pull the tail bit though?), in back, looped up. (Take bottom bit of ponytail and someohow attach it under the rubberband that makes it a ponytail in the first place, so you get a loop.)
Or else, I'll get inventive and make something, probably Edwardian. And then I can do a gibson girl hairstyle.
One morning, I'm going to wake up, and really be *awake* and do neat hair things. People will be shocked, and assume that I didn't sleep.
6.19.00, 11:27pm
Well, I've just boarded Caltrain to go home. It seems I've faaaar overestimated the frequency of late trains. Figures.
I'd have called the slug for a ride home, but the damn payphone wouldn't take my money. (I put in $.70. I refuse to pay more for an out-of-area-code not-really long distance call.) Yes, I could have called collect, but why? All I had to do was wait a bit, and get on the damned train.
I'm going to be getting home around 12:30, going right to bed, and getting up at 5:00. This has GOT to be unhealthy.
Good thing I don't have anything to do tomorrow night. I'm just going to fall into a coma when I get home, I'm sure.
6.19.00, 5:19pm
Waiting to meet my aunt at the BART station, going to dinner.
So, I'm sitting here, listening to my laptop, typing away. My life has gotten so virtual it's really almost a sterotype. All I need now is a cell phone and a PDA.
I can't decide if technology can make me happy, though. I mean, it's a great toy and everything. I love having a laptop. I've wanted a PDA for ages (though I don't really need one now, do I?) I still dislike cell phones (though if I could record my own voice as a ring, that would be cool, and I'd want one.)
But can that sort of connectivity keep me happy? I know it can keep me distracted, which is usually a good thing. If I'm distracted, I can't really be miserable, now can I? Misery requires concentration.
But would all of these nifty toys fall into disuse and just be a waste of resources?
6.19.99, 1:08pm
I have to stop picking at my lips. I've got this one painful bit where I keep digging at it with my nail. It's one of those stupid itchy/painful things that feels kinda good, really.
6.19.00, 6:28am
The guy in the seat behind me on the train is snoring in that demonic snarl way that is always so funny when you're not trying to sleep next to it. If I had any idea that I snored like that, I'd make especially sure that I never fell asleep in public.
Anyhow, I've got two days worth of rants: today's and yesterday's.
I think I may change the name of them from "Rants" to "Whimpers."
6.17.00, 11:38pm
Yep, you guessed it. Another rant. Truthfully, I'm finding them somewhat therapuic to write, though they're NOT a journal. I hated keeping a journal for that silly human something-or-other class.
6.17.00, 12:37pm
Finally finished (well, sorta; it's functional) the overhaul for Albino Mutt.
6.16.00, 4:39pm
On BART, going to Game.
It's weird, this need for acceptance. I keep passing people on the street with odd hair, or neat clothing, or who otherwise look like people I'd like to be friends with, and all I can think is "s/he thinks I'm a poseur," or a slob, or a freak, or whatever. I can't tell if it's some screwy self esteem issue, or if I'm reading the situation correctly.
Of course, they probably don't even notice me. Or they dismiss me, because everyone cool already knows each other here, and they don't know me.
Yes, I'm feeling very lonely.
I'm still glad I'm in San Francisco instead of Buffalo.
Oh, weird. So I'm reading this as I'm typing (duh..) and the word "Buffalo" just seems so.. secure.. to me. This is an artifact of moving, and being sick and missing my Mommy.
I'm definately getting better,though. Or else, it's being out of the air conditioning. I like the way it feels and all, but yeesh! It's gotta be the surest way to make me get sick.
6.16.00, 3:14pm
I'm dismayed. I can't find out the caloric info on mucus or blood. I know it sounds really gross, but when I have a nosebleed, or I'm sick (like I am right now), I swallow a LOT of that nasty stuff.
6.16.00, 2:16pm
Yep, you guessed it. Added another rant. Also fixed some links on my musicians page.
6.16.00, 6:28am
Well, I'm still sick, hacking and coughing and making otherwise unholy noises. I feel bad because I kept getting up every two hours to go cough in the other room last night. Of course, this means that I've gotten far less sleep than I needed, but what's sleep, anyhow? An imperfect substitute for caffeine!
How can humans be the dominant species on this planet if we die when we get too hot? Something like 18 people died in the Bay Area the other day, when we had 100+ degree weather all over.
Of course, I've been waltzing all over the place in black. But I'm not dead, so I guess I am the dominant species, aren't I? *grin* Heh. Never thought that Homo Gothicus would rule, didja? Then again, there are people who consider us gothical folk to be cockroaches, and we all know how tough those little buggers are to kill.. Yep, that's me.. always finding the stormcloud around every silver lining.
Spent the better part of the evening detailing my supersoaker for the naval battle. It was goofy looking when I bought it, all pretentious black and pink and purple, with some wrestler's logo on it. The logos came off as soon as I got the thing home, with very little fuss or residue. There are all of these little strappy-looking stripes, with studlike bumps. So the faux studs are getting painted silver, and the edges are also getting silvered, to make them stand out.
I haven't decided what I'll name it yet. It's going to look very butch when I'm done.
6.15.00, 4:35pm
I just figured out why I'm coughing, and my sinuses are messed. It's karma, because I hate the noises snuffling and coughing people make so much.
Does the fact that I'm really embarrassed to be makingthese noises mitigate things somewhat?
6.15.00, 4:04pm
Still sick, feel miserable. It's just headaches and sinus petrification now, but Ugh! I've been feeling awful all day, drugs not withstanding. (Though they *do* make it possible for me to breathe, so it's not that bad. Well, it is, but I hate to think of how bad I'd feel if it weren't for them.)
Thus far, though, nothing too horrid has happened today. Keep your fingers crossed. I need some good luck for a little while.
I can't tell if I'm just oversensitive because I'm sick, people are freaking out because it's hot and they are afraid of smelling like humans, or what, but the perfume brigade has struck. It's making my coughing worse. Yuck.
6.14.00, 8:31pm
Added a new rant. I'm getting prolific. Run now!
6.14.00, 11:13am
The power went out at work. I'm so glad I've got a battery operated laptop.. Not that I'm getting any work done, mind you, but it's nice to have something to work on until the power comes back on.
Apparently, this used to happen all of the time. It's the first time since I've been here. And, of course, it has to happen during a heat wave, so if it lasts long, we're all gonna roast. At least we have skylights to keep it from being *really* dark in here. It's nice and shaded right now. The other cave dwellers (basically, everyone that sits in front, and hates fluorescent light) will appreciate this.
6.14.00, 11:01am
I hate techies. They try and make everything harder than it needs to be. If it works, leave it *alone*!!!
Everything has to be a fucking controversy.
6.14.00, 9:05am
Oohh.. I feel icky. I'm not puking or anything, but I feel like I'd like to. If there was anything in me to puke up, I'd probably force the issue. (What little there is is milk-based, though, and there is nothing nastier than human-made cheese.)
My throat still hurts from yesterday, and I've been sucking on hard candies all morning, to keep it under control. Not working.
If I'm still feeling this way by the time people start making food smells, I'm going to leave.
6.14.00, 8:20am
Decided to waste even more bandwidth and have a sporadically updated section for my current desktop. It won't look like much, I'm sure, and is a complete waste of resources, but why shouldn't I do it?
Anyhow, it's either going to be linked from my geekery page, or my current page. Haven't decided yet.
For now, it's linked from here.
6.13.00, 4:53pm
More updates. Fixed stuff. Added things I missed. Pretty much site wide. You won't notice anyhow.
6.13.00, 12:44pm,
I've been smelling people's food all day. it really sucks (though someone ate something that smelled nasty earlier, which killed my appetite pretty well.) Someone had something that smelled like ham (I know it's gross, but I like ham enough to not mind the smell), and now someone's eating something that smells the way sausage tastes with maple syrup on it.
Though why does it all smell like breakfast meats? How weird.
Usually, this places smells like coffee, popcorn, and tomato sauce.
6.13.00, 6:31am
A new rant has been added.
Oh yeah, and I did up a Horoscope thing last night. Very amusing. (At least, to me.)
6.13.00, 6:11am
Fell asleep to that neat thing on Discovery about early Humans last night. Which annoys me. I really wanted to see that, but I just.. wilt after 10:00. And of course, once I got up, turned off the TV, and went to bed, I couldn't sleep. Bah.
No interesting dreams last night, at least, none that I recall. (Though I did go into turbo-sleep when I was drifting off in front of the tube. I love turbo-sleep.)
6.12.00, 8:36pm
Oh-my-god. The Cat from Transmet has been born. This article tells about the cute little kitten.. I WANT ONE!
Alas, all good things cannot last. The poor little thing died. I still want a cat like that.
6.12.00, 7:36pm
Update at last. Some stuff got rearranged in Entropy. Not much else to report.
6.12.00, 6:20am
Last night, I dreamed I was water, skimming words and poetry from myself. My hands were the feeling of water rushing, my arms were the eddies of calm the thoughts were gathering in. I felt the flow of water over my whole body.
Then I dreamed I was air, falling from an impossible height, getting caught in an updraft, and falling again. I had no fear. The rush of the wind was on my face, my legs, the parts of me exposed by curling up into a ball.
I dreamed I was earth. My arms were a tangle of roots, and I was stable, calm, still.
My next dreaming cycle, I dreamed that an asteroid had hit a parachuter. Go figure.
6.9.00, 4:06pm
Team Iconoclast/Decay/Jestyr Saves will be making an appearance at the sfgoth naval battle! Whoo-hoo! Break out the water balloons, Martha!
I need to come up with a flag.
6.9.00, 6:32am
I want to be able to configure my MP3 player to use "Mistress Playlist" by default, instead of "Master."
I'll have to see if I can't get in there with ResEdit and mess with it.
6.9.00, 6:17am
Took yesterday off, felt really nice. You'd think that I'd have used the time in some productive manner, other than ripping MP3s and hanging out in the hot tub, reading. Nope. I'm a lazy bum and pleased to be so.
It was very soothing, to take a weekday off to waste utterly.
Ok, so I didn't totally waste it. We did the DMV, so I can go out dancing again. (My ID expired, and I needed to get a new one. Besides, I have a feeling that the only photo of me with pink hair will be my California ID.)
I've put it to one of my few friends, that team Iconoclast should make a showing at the SF Goth Mailing List naval battle. I hope he says yes. (Then, I get to ask other folks I know if they wanna join in.) I have no intention of getting into one of the boats, but I'll stand on shore and snipe at the combatants.
Whoo. I'm at 10 pounds. If you assume 2 lb/week, I'm on track. Got a year to go. Ugh.
This sucks.
6.8.00, 10:28am
Went to the Nine Inch Nails show last night. The opening band, A Perfect Circle, wasn't particularly good. Of course, they might well have been, but whoever miked their drums did a crappy job (all I could hear was the bass and a distorted cymbal crash), and the sound balance was waaaaaay off.
NIN played much more old stuff than I was expecting. The Slug says it's because most of the new stuff is hard to play. (Secretly, I think it's because they know that the most recent album isn't as good as the old ones.) The stuff with the screens was gorgeous. I want screensavers that do that.
Oh! I actually got heckled! The Jesus-men (you know the ones I'm referring to) out front commented on my shirt.. (I was wearing my Poison Elves Ebola Zaire shirt). Oh, I wish I'd been there when he riffed on the guy wearing the fist/fuck shirt. (The look on his face would have been priceless.)
6.7.00, 4:57pm
Well, I'm going after a sort of ShanMonster thing. (I'm totally hooked on her page.. she's the sort of person I'd love to have as a friend.
The updates page will be nuked, and all of the info moved to this bit, along with anything that catches my fancy. It'll all start to make sense eventually. Really. I promise.
Anyhow, enjoy the stuff I've got up now.. moved my rants to their own section, since they were rather buried before.
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