07.05.00

Yeah, I know. No rant in a while. It's not that my life has been perfect or anything, but I haven't had anything really serious to bitch about.

Anyhow, the Slug wants me to meet Her. I told him a definite maybe. I don't know if I'm up to it. It may be that I am, and that he's right, and that she and I will like each other.

He told me that they'd sat down and talked about where they were at, and it was determined that they were just friends. I explained to him why I spaz out at the mention of her, and at least he knows where I'm coming from now.

Parts of me are clenching up, all tense, wanting to get this over with, and other bits of me want this to be postponed indefinitely. I don't know if it's just human nature, some weird quirk of being me, or a Gemini thing, this two-mindedness.

No, I'm not one to put a lot of stock in astrology, but you never know.. It doesn't hurt anything to think about it. If it does nobody any harm, it's perfectly OK to go along with it.

I half wish someone would just pump me full of prozac and be done with it. I'm sick of being suspicious of people's motives, sick of not being happy with myself, and totally fucking tired of being conscious of my various failures *all* of the time. (No, it's not a "this project failed that I was involved with, the next one will too" thing. This is a "I'm too fat, too dumpy, too scruffy, too stupid, too ugly, too lazy, too broke, too easily distracted, etc." thing.)

Ugh. Almost at work. This is going to be a harrowing experience. Linda (my boss) is on vacation for a few weeks. I don't want to deal with this. But I have to. I think I'll catch up today, and then spend tomorrow morning cleaning my area.

Oh FUCK! I've got the company meeting on Friday!